It's dondon's birthday! He's twenty two! I like it when his birthday is over and mine is not cos it'll be like he's older than me. In years of age. Heehee. I feel sad that he has presentation and i have practice :( I guess birthdays don't really mean much anymore after 21.

BUT i still wanna celebrate my birthday every year!

22 is so old. omg 22. 22. 22. 22. 22. 22. It takes some time for the fact to sink in. I still can't accept that i'm already 21.
LingS | 3:19 AM

Goodness! i can't go out properly without worrying about what's due next week, or when i have to go back for rehearsals. Heck, i can't even have a peaceful night out without people calling me to "come back later! we're practising". I considered throwing away my phone, but when i get back to my email i see "project XX1234 meet at xpm tomorrow". I tried to disappear by not checking mail for one night somewhere last month and i immediately felt a big gap between me and reality the day after, cos emails flooded in and people just went on with their lives without me (ya la ah boh then). Haiya. oppressive life.
LingS | 1:49 PM

Of course, ultimately i know what i HAVE to do. You might think i'm stupid, brainless and frivolous and not doing what i claimed to be doing at all. In fact, you do think that. Even so, i don't find the need to prove anything to you. Perhaps i'll need you to believe and understand what sprouted out of my mouth first, then a little support and empathy would be nice.

But i guess it's hard to be encouraging in something you never supported. I don't think i have the right to demand that much.

Sigh. You told me so. You knew it. You expected it. You are right. You are always right. Serves me right. I deserve to feel shitty all by myself. Now i don't even have the courage left to pick up the pieces by myself.
LingS | 5:10 AM

It feels like.....

I wanted to take literature for A levels, cos i never liked science. My mum says "ok loh let you try for first 3 months. But after that must study science you know cos got more courses you can take in uni".

"But i don't like science..."

"You will do well in arts meh? literature is so difficult, you're not the angmo kind of person. take science better lah, more realistic. Easier to do well".

I ended up with bad science results and took arts in uni anyway. The truth is, i completely agreed with my mum back then. Even without her preaching, i might still have chosen science. But it would have been nice to be doing something i like, while having someone who supports and believes in you. Of course, i don't blame my mum for the wrong choice of academic course, who knows i might have done worse in arts. But too many a times she never believed my interests would bring me far. "try loh but make sure you do something or something else too in case you fail" is just different from "go for it! i believe you will make it if you're really interested", even in her heart, they both mean "i'll still be here no matter what".

I'm grateful that i have people who knows what's good for me when they think i don't. Just that... planning to fail is downright depressing....
LingS | 12:54 AM

Last few days to the end of my dance career. I can't wait for it to end now cos i'm extremely stressed up by other work. But i think i'll be really sad when it does. Aiya. The time spent on dancing is fun and makes me forget about all the stupid projects and essays for once but after a super tiring practice at 4am the stress hits me harder. It's like some kinda drug.

And i love my dances. They're distinctly different. One is sexy and high energy while the other is graceful with a beautiful story. The dancers are great too! We hit each other all the time during partner work (Kriss dropped me on my butt today!! but it's cos i was stupid and jumped for nothing) but we're all cool and profesh.

Yay, i'm proud to be a dancer, but i'm getting old and have been suffering from too much emotional stress lately. Emo-ness! Nevermind. I'm very excited that the 2 people i'm bringing in are watching. Plus the JCRC and the other 50 people from hall -_-'''

If i had no friends i would auction my tickets and earn a tidy sum.
LingS | 2:18 AM

I feel very sorry for myself. Worse, there's no one i can blame except myself. Excuse me while i wallow in self pity. Words of concern with no action, expressed just so to make yourself feel better, is not needed nor appreciated.

But you can give me chocolates. Or any kind of snacks like cup noodles, chips or banana cheese prata because i'm hungry.
LingS | 10:57 PM

There are only an obscene number of 10 Dance Uncensored tickets for each block. Wahaa! Now don't you wish you had made friends with me earlier. Or be in the photo comm so that you at least get a press pass.

These tickets are not snatch-worthy without a reason. Besides the appearances of hot girls, we practise way past your bedtime. Similarly with other culture groups. A normal conversation goes like this:

A: eh wanna play mahjong?
B: i got practice until 2am
A: oh.
B: tmr?
A: i got practice until 2.
B: ok.

No astonishment. No fuss. You see, we're all so talented. We can never find 4 people who are not in any culture group to play mahjong with.
LingS | 12:54 PM

I really liked nicholas tse when i was in my early teens (i insist i'm still a teen now). I used to stalk him by buying his cds and movies and recording his programmes on vcr (yes THAT long ago). His good looks and bad boy image was hard to resist. Hmmph. He's all grown up now, not so much of a bad boy anymore. In fact, i think he's still cute and kinda sweet now, and i secretly still haboured hopes that he would ask me to marry him. Damnit, he's too good for his wife-who-cheated-on-him-with-his-best-friend.

Nic, come back to me!!!
LingS | 1:06 AM