The Art of Getting By








he's gone

Friday, September 29, 2006

**Update: ok it's now 10.22pm i'm not feeling ok anymore :( i miss you :(:(:(
please call soooooooooooooooooon



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And so he's gone :(

He left i mean. this morning. to Perth. to become a pilot.

For several months, i've been imagining how this airport scene would be like. would it be teary? would i start to break down and cry uncontrollably? would it be happy and cheery?

It was somewhere in between. i didn't get too emotional. i laughed at him a bit and i teared a bit. it was a mixed feeling. i was so sad yet happy at the same time, to see him walk away. he is going to pursue his dream, it was something he had been looking forward to, something that would make him a happy person. AND he promised that he would pay for me to go visit him for a week in december heehee, that was the main thing that kept me going. wheeeeee december!!! only 3 months from now. i need to start saving a lot of $$$

Strangely enough, i felt a huge sense of relief as i watch him walk through the boarding glass door thing. i've been dreading his departure for the last few weeks, desperately trying to cling onto him with every possible chance, as though i could grab more of him here with me. it wasn't a good feeling, i felt like i'm sapping him. but i guess he understands :) brandon is such a sweetheart :):):)

But he's gone now, probably just alighted the plane at this point of time. and i'm feeling completely ok. i'm missing him a lot of cos but that's ok. i will get to see him soon!!! we each got a webcam toooooo (exactly the same one somemore) so hopefully i can get to see his funnyface in a month's time when his internet is set up.

Time to shift my focus to studies. sigh. how meaningless. hahaha...

Alrights i'll try to update my blog more frequently.

I love yooooooooooooou brandon chen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

}i{

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hi yall

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Hi yall! whew where have this person-of-this-blog been to. she was supposed to blog about her birthday which happened a month ago but she simply vanished.

Ha! you know howsit like. you sit around procrastinating and procrastinating then you never get it done and since you've been dragging it for so long already you suddenly felt like you.... ok you just don't feel like doing it anymore. same goes for my microecons assignment 1. and assignment 2. and history readings 3-14. and sociology readings 1-infinity. bummer.

OK i didn't blog not because i have nothing to blog about. in fact, so many things have been going on, i can't find the energy to blog anymore. and sometimes i find it quite meaningless that i can't bitch and profess my genuine feelings about certain people here because i know THEY READ.

Ha!

Anyway. brandon boy is leaving on friday. this friday!! i can't believe it. D-DAY has come. D-Day when he will leave and we will never much see each other again, except when he's back for a week. or 2 weeks. or 3. something like that (i'm assuming that he makes it lah, which i'm sure he will).

Frankly speaking, i dunno where i stand anymore. i could be paranoid. but i don't feel like i have a lot to hold onto anymore. so am i attached but available? it's awful. honestly, it was devastating to hear that from you. i tried so hard to feel that it's ok, i've been telling my friends that brandon is just being realistic by saying that he can't promise a future together. but it's heartbreaking, really. i know you want to give me the freedom, i understand that. i know it's fair, it's realistic, it gives us a lot of space. but it's not something that i crave for. i can't seem to make you understand how i feel. i don't like to talk to you about this because you obviously seem to feel good with what it is for now. i hope i'm not a for-now person to you.

I know what it means by keeping my options open. it sounds like a good idea. but at the same time, it sounds like a bad idea. i think i'm in the middle of searching for myself here. i was a pretty idealistic person, i like to look forward to the future, of how wonderful life would be in time. i like to sit around and day dream about my wonderful future with what i have now.

But it now sounds like what a kid would do. i am SO naive. what a depressing realization. but i can't keep hanging around thinking of the worse everday. i can't survive like that. i still wanna keep smiling for you :)

I know that you love me soooooooo much. me too. i really hope everything will turn out well.

}i{

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no dress

Monday, September 04, 2006

I'm going to watch Forbidden City on fri! i told brandon that i don't have a new dress to wear. he said wear an old one. i said i'm gonna wear jeans. he said i better wear a dress. i think he's scared that i'll make him buy me a new dress. hahahhaha. stupid.

}i{

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