Happy birthday brandon darling! you're 21! so OLD.
LingS | 1:44 PM

Love is in the air!

How to tell when someone is in love

1) His name comes up in almost every conversation
2) She whines about him fairly often
3) She giggles a lot for no particular reason at all
4) She starts behaving more like a wilful little girl
5) Her face simply radiates with joy!

Wheeeee!! is it too obvious who i'm talking about? heehee...

And i think someone is in love but in denial haha... i love watching her get all flustered over our little careless comments. so sweet... thinking about her makes me smile :) she reminded me of how infatuation feels like.

I wish i were in school again! (the must wear school uniform kind of school) where a simple glance in my direction would make my day. where i would go to school solely for the purpose of looking at him from afar. where i would always yearn for an opportunity to talk to him without making my purpose too obvious. where my heart would start racing and face becomes hot when i did manage to talk to him. in an aloof manner, of course.

Where i would wonder if i could love him and he would love me back and we would be in love with each other forever and ever and ever.

Wow. man, i must really be getting old.
LingS | 3:46 AM

***Update: OPPS i got scolded by ron and albert cos i left early after dance uncensored. ron said 30plus people were waiting for me! opps... so exaggerating haha... aiya cos hor when i came out from the dressing room the entire lobby was super flooded and i was having a headache from the lights on stage. didn't see joel sherilyn grace they all coming out as well. luckily i caught benny who told me porky is at the entrance who told me everyone has left already! ok i admit that it wasn't very possible that everyone would zao so fast but i was so tired i didn't think properly and the cab came quite fast so i zoomed off with egg tart and porky. (turned out that 'everyone' was lishi tina and agyesh haha) then albert said i'm unfriendly :( but he still saved the biggest red rose for me hahaha yay!

Anyway so sorry for people who waited for nothing!!! reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally appreciate your support :) some people who couldn't make it messaged me good luck too :):):) lovelovelove you guys :)

*********************************************************

It's over!!! That's it for my second year in hall. i did only performances this year, from rag to culture night to hall production to amplitude to dance uncensored. i realised performing is the only thing that i wanna do, but it's damn shagggggggggggggg lah. months of hard work and sweat just for that few minutes on stage. but that moment on stage makes everything worth it. proud to be performing with this bunch of fun and talented dancers too!

My parents went on a holiday without me, and took my camera along too :( so i didn't take a lot of photos. but i did still leave my beautiful face on several people's camera so pleaseplease send them to me please!!

I think sometimes i care too much about certain things. maybe i should be more cold-blooded and hard-hearted and ignore. it's hard to cheer people up when you're feeling depressed at the same time. but then they really sounded like they're very sad. but then i dunno whether they even appreciate my concern :( but then. aiya. maybe i should just care about myself.

I've been receiving threatening phone calls again since last week. wow. it has been a long time. i think this would be a good time to murder me cos my parents are not around and i'll be staying in hall over the weekends. comecome!
LingS | 12:51 AM

After staying up last night till morning, i finally completed my international assignment. whee! now i know how the financial market works and why MAS adopts a managed float exchange rate. yay. well, i didn't exactly stay up through the night to finish it. cos i didn't finish it before i crashed at abt 6am and woke up at 10am to continue writing. wow.

I am SO tired. after sunday, no more dance pracs until 3am. no more missing classes. no more skipping lunches. no more dealing with stupid people who wants to make life difficult for me. NO MORE!!!

Actually, sometimes when i think about it, this schedule is not half as bad as during production days. but i was having muchmuchmuchmuchmuch more fun in production. i simply feel very much drained and depressed these days. rarrrrrrrr. i wanna break out of this emotional cage and be FREEEEEEEE! i wanna GET OUT!!! i wanna be HAPPY!!!!!
LingS | 2:01 AM

Time is easier when you have friends around you. especially during supper. we can bitch and curse and swear and tell jokes that nobody laughs at. (usually nobody laughs at my jokes) plus with food in front of you, everyone is happier. it gives me greater energy to get through this.

4 more days. i'll have no more excuses to delay doing tutorials from then on. (no more moping around too)

The moment of truth.
LingS | 3:18 AM

I feel different.

I took a long walk alone in the afternoon today. it wasn't too hot. nor was it raining. i was alone. i took the bus. i took the train. i even walked a longer route. somehow even the buses and trains took an unusually long time to arrive, and while waiting, i watched people come and go. i bumped into smellie at the bus-stop. i bumped into germaine while walking. i bumped into someone who asked me where the dua peh gong temple is. but obviously i dunno my directions, in more ways than one.

Despite the disruptions, i had a nice, quiet time alone. i thought of a lot of things. although i didn't have a resolution, it was nice to be able to think through things. i just realised that my room is stifling. my pinned-up schedules, textbooks, notes, files, laptop, scores, dance costumes... they are screaming for my attention, but i just wanna go home and hide under the covers.

Anyway, i was back 2 hours later, with my umbrella back. good ol' umbrella.

It was a nice trip. i was glad i only had to talk to the maid. i don't really have anything to say. i couldn't bear to stay around to find out if you care.

I can't wait for sunday to be over. after this, i'll be able to see things more clearly. i hope.

ps. My mummy says i can still stay in hall. benny says he heard from people that i'm not staying anymore. woohoo! i love hearing this kinda rumours about myself that are totally fresh and new and unheard of. like how lishi was supposed to do wardrobe for rag. haha! maybe someday i'll be a rag engineer.
LingS | 2:58 PM

Amplitude was great! KR choir sang a medley from the musical les miserables and apparently (according to the audience, whether they're bias or not hehe) we blew everyone off! mainly cos we were the most entertaining compared to the usual sing-in-a-chorus-while-standing-in-three-rows thing. yipeee! i think choir is the only thing i can do without feeling too stressed over it. ok fine remembering lyrics is another thing. but i'm sure if i had been able to attend practices regularly i would be able to recite my lyrics perfectly well. hehes.

And more people than expected came! was surprised to see ron wilson darren etc haha cos i thought they weren't that interested in songs. but i was wrong. :) in addition to the usual hardcore supporters albert nooj nat benny yanjie and many others... you guys rock! i think you all are sick of me appearing so many times from the UCC stage already hahaha... the usual hand shakings and hugs and words of thanks so familiar....

Yayyy. i love choir. i love choir people. i love singing. i love singing the Eponine parts. i love singing and fussing around in the musky costumes with you guys. i love hugging. i love hugging lishi. i love hugging and kissing lishi. i love blasting too because it shows that i know my lyrics.

Here's a video of "A little fall of rain" from the 10th anniversary of les mis. its so sweet and beautifully heartbreaking at the same time i can't stop watching and singing it :)

LingS | 1:23 AM

NUS Amplitude

18th March 7.30pm @ UCC

Crappy ticketing system based on first come first serve on the day itself.

NUS Dance Uncensored

25th March 7.30pm @ UCC

Same crappy ticketing system.

Anyway they are free ah! come lah come.

These have to be my most ill-prepared performances ever. i can barely remember my lyrics!! my lyrics!!! my brain is still crammed with sparse information of my previous FIVE tests and project and dance steps and deadlines. urgh. i have that screwed feeling again. but after next weekend i'll be totally freeeeeeeeeeeeeee! yes i promise myself that i must be free since the my hall points are cemented already hahahahahahhahahahahhaha.
LingS | 1:37 AM

I feel very stupid. and small. like an ant. no i'm not saying ants are stupid. i meant ants are small. but people just tend to misunderstand like that :( oh wells. but if they're my friends i care about them and i care about how they feel.

I still dunno whether to stay or not. even though i'm behaving as though i'm staying. but in actual fact....... i feel very weary of hall, and the shit things that revolve around me. i can't believe how hypocritical some people actually are. they can be friendly and and come chat up to you and say hi when they see you studying in the dining hall, but when they turn their backs, thay start bitching about you and announce why this person is hanging around this person so much. and i don't care if you're reading this and know i'm talking about you cos i intend to give you a piece of my mind if i do see you. i want to know WHY you said that. WHY???????????

What's wrong with studying together? or simply happening to be in the same place? what's wrong with having more friends? why must people stir up trouble from nowhere??????????

Maybe a "family hall" is just a facade. to you, at least.
LingS | 12:39 PM

My dear pearline posted this in her blog for me...

to lings & nooj (or anyone who interested in the story) -

just wanted to share a story i just read. not sure if you have read it before (since it was an email). this story reminded me of one of our late night conversations just before exams about our guys being so blockheaded, and also the issue of long distance relationships. so though i'd blog it down here..

our boyfriends might not be the most romantic guy around or say the sweetest things to make us happy, but it doesn't mean they're not good boyfriends. more importantly, it doesn't mean they love us any lesser (:

***
My husband is a scientist by profession, I love him for his steady-being nature, and I love the warm feeling while leaning against his broad shoulder.

Three years in the courtship and now, two years into marriage, I have to admit, I am getting tired of it, the reasons of me loving him before has now transform into the cause of all the restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive and exquisite when it comes to relationship and feelings, I yearn for romantic moments, as though a little boy yearning for candy. And my husband, is just a contrast of me, his lack of sensitivity, and of all, inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I want a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked.

"I am tired, there aren't reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought the whole night with cigarette lit all the time. My feeling of disappointment was getting intense, a man who can't even express his feelings, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked:

"What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered:

"Here is a question, if you can find the answer in my heart, I will change my mind, Lets say, I love a flower at a mountain cliff, and we both know that making you pick the flower will kill you, will you do it for me?"

He said: "I will answer you tomorrow...."

My heart just sank listening to his respond. The next morning, he was not around, and I saw a piece of paper with his scratchy writing, underneath a glass of warm milk, it goes...

Dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to further explain the reasons" This first lines has already break my heart. But I continue reading.

"You can only type with a computer and always mess up the programs in the PC, and cries in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help restore the programs.

You always leave the house key behind, I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to lead you the way.

You always suffer from cramp during your menstrual period each month, I have to save my palm so that I can calm the cramps at your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that is no good to your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow older, I can help to clip your nails,and help to remove those annoying white hairs. I will hold your hand, stroll down the beach, enjoying the sunshine and the beautiful sand... tell you the colour of flowers, just like the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, before I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I would not pick the flower, and die..."

My tears drops on the letter, and blurred the ink of his hand writing... and I resumed my reading...

"And now, dear... you have finished reading my answer, and if you are satisfied with these answers, please open the door of our house, I am standing there, with your favorite bread and fresh milk..."

I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, with his hand holding tight to the glass of milk and the piece of bread... Oh, I am sure no one ever love me as much, and now I have decided to leave the flower alone... That's life, or some said, love, when one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tend to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness. Love shows in every form, even a very little form, it can never been modelled, it can be the most incurious form... Flowers, romantic moments are only buckish forms on the surface of the relationship.

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. No one will find their life worth living, we have to make it worth living ourself. What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.

missing you guys,

pear

It's really sweet story. but perhaps cos i'm too much of a cynic, i couldn't bring myself to believe that this story is true. because the letter is too romantic for a guy whom the story claims is unromantic and insensitive.

And after experiencing one heartache after another, one should finally admit that it's not because my boyfriend is not romantic anymore... it's cos the relationship no longer feels the same. i think there's a difference between not feeling the blush of love, and not feeling like you are part of each other's lives.

Or from experiencing disappointments to plain indifference.

Like when you don't really care if "call you later" means later in the day or 1 day later or 2 days or 1 week or 1 year.

Not saying that this applies to anyone lah. just a thought.

I miss yoooou pear!

LingS | 1:05 AM

Whee more late pictures!

First Day: was wearing unglam t-shirt and trackpants cos we totally forgot about coming out to take pictures after the show. i was in this comfortable attire since 8 in the morning ahah so oh wells. we had to pack up and leave asap so couldn't linger around with the costumes.

Chengyow fellow chinaman

Anuja and i + some of the ensemble vernon as edward, dining hall boy and flirty club guy, xiaohui and aiping as alex's fans and sua gu club girls.

Suffian assistant director :)

Ian as drunk club guy tata and senior one.

Aunty natalia assistant stage manager.

Joel koh vroomvroom vocal director.

Anuja preeeeeeeeee.

Benny! photographer :)

Jiaxin as the bitch sharon. she's really nice in person so please don't throw paint at her door!

Annabelle as april, heartbroken girl, sua gu club girl and sharon's groupies.

Yanjie visual designer.

Keelong! :)

Jiemin teriyaki girl :)

Jianning and alvin :)

Bra! :)

Albert :)

Dilys and desiree :)

Bryna the big boss director.

E block who came on friday :)



Second day: was more relaxed. and got to take photos with my last costume change wahahaha goodgood.

Aiping, nikki and kingman (:

Egg tart assistant producer, melissa as latifah, aeron as rodney, suffian asst director (:

Just to show that joel is sick. some instrumentalists with dann, joel and tim.

Jiaxin and anuja (:

Andrea asst stage manager, annabelle, anuja, xiaohui, jiaxin!

Belle, nooj, aiping, smelly, ian, big boss.

Nooj, jias, eunice dresser, belle, sherri as senior two/hip club girl, shiwei as dining hall girl/emcee/groupie, vernon, aeron.

Cast/ensemble (:

Dann and aeron as alex and rodney. both a little horney. aeron gets to hit dann's ass every rehearsal.

Aiping (:

Yiping lights designer (:

Xiedu asst director (:

Tim music director (:

Proky and elvin! (:

Tall boys!

3rd floor chiobus lishi esther sheryl grace and jiemin.

Wangzheng my personal violinist hehe.

Yanjie (:
Richmond sound tech (:

Ron! (:

Derek is too tall! (:

Wilson is tall too (: actually, looking at all the photos, i realised that i'm really very short :( why am i so short :( :( :( the worst part is i was already wearing heels.

Porky and lish gave me a super cute and tiny jigsaw that pieces my name. so sweet! :D

E block people and some alumni who came on saturday! :D

Whew that's a lot of photos.
LingS | 12:50 PM

After a lousy week of 3 tests and n number of dance practices, i had a fun weekend! yay!

Friday night - Saturday morning: went night cycling for the first time in my life. i must have been mad to decide to join them. it was tiring and painful like xiao (for such a lazy bum like me). but it was fun lah haha... although i was a great hazard and liability to the rest of the block. oh well. i think my cycling skills have improved. oh and we stopped by at the makansutra place near DXO to makan too. the oyster egg was yummmmmmmilicious. oyster very big and juicy. go eat it! the rest of the food ok only.

Saturday: caught titoudao at drama centre. we got free tickets from People's Association for voting for kronos at chingay! woohoo! i loved how 2 related stories inter weaved together, and the kampongish sets were cute too. we were sitting right in front of the VIPs haha so we had a great view. everything was almost perfect, lest the extensive hokkien dialogue of which i merely could understand like 20% of it. i only recognized some like kao peh/kiam pah/wah lan eh, and a few other swearing phrases. there were translations sometimes at the screens by the sides but looking at the screens would only distract you away from the stage. so, bo bian loh. quite a pity that i couldn't fully appreciate the lines.

Yay! suddenly my life quite happening hor? i also say. last time i like got no life liddat. now got so many things. and my dah-ling is back! :) yay i got life now wheehee! and i'm craving for that oyster egg now :(

Anyway, too many suay things have been happening to me lately (being locked out of the room, losing my macro file, getting burnt by joss sticks, staining my white shorts with leaky marker pen... just to name a few). yarghh i'm already very stressed up by my stupid tests and dance and choir and paying a lot of $$$$$$$$$ for various things why can't the suay god leave me alone. rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!
LingS | 12:25 AM