Hi yall! whew where have this person-of-this-blog been to. she was supposed to blog about her birthday which happened a month ago but she simply vanished.

Ha! you know howsit like. you sit around procrastinating and procrastinating then you never get it done and since you've been dragging it for so long already you suddenly felt like you.... ok you just don't feel like doing it anymore. same goes for my microecons assignment 1. and assignment 2. and history readings 3-14. and sociology readings 1-infinity. bummer.

OK i didn't blog not because i have nothing to blog about. in fact, so many things have been going on, i can't find the energy to blog anymore. and sometimes i find it quite meaningless that i can't bitch and profess my genuine feelings about certain people here because i know THEY READ.

Ha!

Anyway. brandon boy is leaving on friday. this friday!! i can't believe it. D-DAY has come. D-Day when he will leave and we will never much see each other again, except when he's back for a week. or 2 weeks. or 3. something like that (i'm assuming that he makes it lah, which i'm sure he will).

Frankly speaking, i dunno where i stand anymore. i could be paranoid. but i don't feel like i have a lot to hold onto anymore. so am i attached but available? it's awful. honestly, it was devastating to hear that from you. i tried so hard to feel that it's ok, i've been telling my friends that brandon is just being realistic by saying that he can't promise a future together. but it's heartbreaking, really. i know you want to give me the freedom, i understand that. i know it's fair, it's realistic, it gives us a lot of space. but it's not something that i crave for. i can't seem to make you understand how i feel. i don't like to talk to you about this because you obviously seem to feel good with what it is for now. i hope i'm not a for-now person to you.

I know what it means by keeping my options open. it sounds like a good idea. but at the same time, it sounds like a bad idea. i think i'm in the middle of searching for myself here. i was a pretty idealistic person, i like to look forward to the future, of how wonderful life would be in time. i like to sit around and day dream about my wonderful future with what i have now.

But it now sounds like what a kid would do. i am SO naive. what a depressing realization. but i can't keep hanging around thinking of the worse everday. i can't survive like that. i still wanna keep smiling for you :)

I know that you love me soooooooo much. me too. i really hope everything will turn out well.
LingS | 12:16 AM